so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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