Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
