I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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