Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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