Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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