so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
