You just made me feel so damn special
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
