sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
