You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
