Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
