I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
