I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
