:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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