I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
