i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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