Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize