how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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