K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
