So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
