I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize