my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize