I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
