shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
