Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
