i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you didnt know i had herpes?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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