what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
