You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
