I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
