The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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