It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
