i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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