There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
