North Korea, Best Korea!
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
