If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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