I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
