I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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