i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
