Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
