nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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