Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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