Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
