I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
