bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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