Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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