Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
