it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
