she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
