I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize