Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
