She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
