I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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