I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
