I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
