Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
