you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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