Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
