You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
