some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
