i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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