so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
