I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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