benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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