I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
