One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
