sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I can't put those talents on a resume
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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