Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
