Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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