So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
