Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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