i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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