I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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