Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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