On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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