Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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