Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
