just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
