Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
