You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
God, I missed his penis.
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