I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
