Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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