wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize