Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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