I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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