What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
