I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
