As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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