i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
