I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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