i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
