Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
