my sisters under your porch take her home
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
